Additional Photos After Testimony
5226 cdd Deliverance Cross
Thursday October 22, 2020
Volume 21 Number 213
Today’s Author: Pastor Bill
Scripture: 1 John 4:4b
“He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world” NKJV
Hello, my name is Carolyn Thomas with a Deliverance Cross. I was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota moving to Richfield, Minnesota when I was 2. I was the third of three girls, then our youngest brother was born, making four children. My dad was a Grocery store manager for the National Tea grocery store chain. He managed many of their locations at different times. Dad later became a buyer for the store chain. My dad never had a conversation with me while I was growing up.
Mom was not involved but was the primary care giver in our lives and worked part time as a teaching substitute. My grandmother and great grandmother had a tremendous influence in my life. I knew my grandmother well but never met my great grandmother.
My mom never spent time with me except once a year when we all walked to the park and had a picnic. We were a multi-generational family of traumas. My two older sisters were a family and my brother and I were a separate family traumatized by lack of love.
I was the only child in my family that could not hold in emotional pain. My mom told me often I was just like my maternal grandmother. This expression of emotional pain was totally unacceptable to my mom and I grew up thinking my emotions of crying qualified me as retarded.
My inability to hold back emotional tears was too much for my mom. My tears and my grandmothers tears were intolerable to mom who carried unresolved mother pain and trauma all her life. I was too much like her mom which made me a target. My tears became a curse. My mother carried her own trauma and feelings of being unloved. All this drove resentment toward me!
I never met my great grandmother as she died when my grandmother was ten.
I was closest to my grandmother who shared with all of us stories of my great grandmother. Our great grandmother learned about evil spirits from a Native American Indian friend and they participated in witchcraft. Stories were that she learned to go into a trance, speak in the voice of her Native American Indian friend, and prophesy into the future. I eventually had the most challenging evil spirit experiences in our family.
My father was in the US Army and fought in the Battle of the Bulge during World War 2. He carried his own hidden pain. As a medic he rushed to help a solder and found it was his closet friend with his head blown off. Then he was captured and forced to march throughout Germany starving as a prisoner.
There was a lot of pain, grief and wounding in my family from generation to generation. I carried the curse of crying (not for physical pain) as my Great grandmother and grandmother did.
All this contributed to being brought up “shamed.” We were never told what was expected of us. Our parents wanted us to show behavior that was always “perfect and adult in nature.” I believed that only adults had value.
We were raised in a Presbyterian Church. My parents were charter members. One was a deacon, another an elder. I loved church growing up. On Sunday I would attend all three services and then walk home.
When I was 7-8 years old a missionary showed me a little booklet of colors. Red – Blood of Jesus, Black – His death on the Cross, White – Resurrection of Jesus, Green – New Life. I gave my life to Jesus.
Knowing I would be going to camp at Mud Hen Lake near Siren, Wisconsin the next summer, with my best friend, was exciting. But I feared my curse of crying. I prayed fervently every night that I wouldn’t cry when I said goodbye when leaving my newly found friends at camp.
Jesus spoke audibly to me after months and months of prayer. He said, “You will not cry.” When the time came, I did not cry and felt no urge to do so. I was learning to trust Jesus.
Knowing that my mother hated that her mother cried as did I, I lived in a world of shame. I became the “invisible child.” This carried on through high school and I remained invisible to other kids. I didn’t date or go to dances in high school. I didn’t know how to make myself visible.
After high school I entered LPN Training. While growing up only perfection was allowed — so I was driven to excel — I graduated first in my class. What I did was never enough to elicit a kind response from either parent. I never heard, “I’m so proud of you.” Upon graduation I began working at Miller Hospital in St. Paul, Minnesota, in the ICU department, which later became United Hospital.
I was now living in an apartment in St. Paul. Grandparent generational evil spirit activity followed me to the apartment. A neighbor would stop in to visit occasionally. On one evening he came by to visit (or so I thought). He actually stopped by to rape me. I did not report it and felt such shame — there wasn’t words. I was to learn that I was pregnant.
I pretended to love him in front of my family, and we were married three months later. He was afraid NOT to marry me. He married me to keep me quiet.
Evil spirit activity increased around me in the apartment. Shame continued in my life for years. A patient I was caring for while working in the ICU told me I don’t have to put up with the evil spirits. I could order them out in Jesus’ name. I began to practice ordering them out in Jesus’ name. I then would question myself if I had made it work. (Thereby doubting) Storm clouds hung from the ceiling. It took much practice, but I gradually learned to make the spirits leave through the name of Jesus.
I gave birth to two daughters 2 years apart. Countless more emotional pains through rapes were experienced. I lived with the belief that one day he would kill me. My physical health was rapidly deteriorating. When I asked Jesus about divorce He said, “I’ve already forgiven you.”
I was a Bible study leader and knew about 100 people very well. They were Christians lacking grace and divorce was not allowed. I was no longer allowed to be part of their Bible study. My family and all my friends but one abandoned me, all because of the divorce. I became very confused and suicidal. I had a breakdown with PTSD, anxiety and major depression. I underwent intense therapy and multiple meds along with multiple hospitalizations. Over the next seven years there were several years I could not open my Bible because of the judgement of the Christians. But I still believed in the saving grace of Jesus Christ.
Healing and forgiveness began when I returned to the Bible.
I worked hard at studying the Bible. As I did Jesus had me many times walk through the pain again and again so I could release it to Him. As I did gradual healing took place.
The Lord’s healing allowed me to forgive those that for so many years had hurt me. And I learned that forgiveness was a gift I gave myself.
Isaiah 43:1-2 became my lifeline! My favorite Bible verse. “But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame consume you.” NKJV
After a sudden and unexpected job loss I decided to go to college. Jesus directed me to get my MA degree in Psychotherapy. I always knew God loved me, but now I sensed His love became real and He wouldn’t give up on me. God wanted me to share my experiences and help others. I prayed daily before work for wisdom and discernment and he directed my path.
Then I witnessed my first miracle while counseling a young lady. We were working through massive trauma issues in her past when I asked her to list her 10 top traumas. (She hid the biggest one)
Let me just say, “Christian counselors do make a difference.” As we were preparing to discuss her list the Lord whispered in my ear, say this. “Your safe now!” As I did the young lady began to cry and the root of everything through her hidden trauma unfolded. Complete healing followed.”
Afterwards she shared, “The day before I was in church Jesus put His hand on my shoulder and told me “you are safe now. Her healing was so complete that we did not need to continue processing her trauma.
The Cross to me means DELIVERANCE and SALVATION. The ever presence of God and His faithfulness of what Jesus did for us on the Cross.
When cars pass by this Cross I want them to realize Jesus will set them free of whatever they are enduring, and salvation is available for them personally.
Prayer: Father thank you for the process of deliverance which is available today to set us free. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen!